whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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