Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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