I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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