There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
