You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
