I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
