The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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