On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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