Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
