If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
