I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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