please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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