at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
