:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
