I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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