dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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