dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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