I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
