I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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