hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
