He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
