What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
