She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
