So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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