just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
