i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i believe in u and ur pee
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
