sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
