I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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