I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
