So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
