Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
