dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
