a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
