the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
