just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
