why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
