the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
