Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
