I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
