exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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