I looked at my own cervix.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
