ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
