were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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