This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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