is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
did i just pee glitter
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
