Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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