i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
