Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
