girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Life is so much better after having sex.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
