nut hugger
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
