Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
