The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't notice because vodka
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
