You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
