JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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